Recently with the start of a new year I have found my mind wandering. It’s something that happens when I least expect it, for example the other day I was sat in a pub having some breakfast and reading a book just enjoying the me time that I was fortunate to have. I look up (because I’m a nosy individual and I like to people watch on occasion) but on this occasion I simply zoned out. My mind was going back to a time when I was a child and use to go to pubs like this with my dad, mostly after walking outings. You see as a kid I use to go on walks with my dad at places like the peak district, we would camp over and have out tea and sometimes breakfast at the local pubs and cafe’s. Why this came to mind I can’t say but one minuet I’m a grown adult enjoying some alone time and the next I’m a kid again sat in the pub with my dad, and that’s all the thought was. It was a nice thought and it got me thinking even more…
(I’m an over thinker, I think out plans and ideas, I think of the future and the past a heck of a lot, this is something I’m trying to manage)
When I started thinking I came to the realization that my life had started again, and it is similar to the way it was for me as a child.
Let me explain. Last year I made some big choices and not all of them have been good for me mentally, but I hope in the long run will be the best choices I’ve ever made. I’m now starting 2019 single and friendless, the only people in my life are my family and the people I work with. The reason this feels like I’m starting again is because as a child my best friend was my cousin who was more like a sister to me (still is), the only friends I had were the ones I saw at school everyday just like my work friends now, and of course my family was around me just like now. As a child I didn’t have close friends and I wasn’t even interested in boys, which my life has now gone back to. It’s strange because this isn’t the first time I’ve lost close friends or been single but this time feels so different. Maybe it’s because I’m not in the romantic frame of mind hence I don’t see myself in a relationship any time soon, maybe it’s because I final put my foot down to shitty people or maybe I’m just growing as a person.
What ever the reason the thoughts aren’t negative or hurtful instead there actually making me think of happier times, times I hope to get back
But I want to know from you? have you had moments like these? I know I always think back on the past but this time I feel the comfort and bliss of the moment when I think back rather than resentment or sadness and I would like to know if anyone else has had these moments? and what did you do with those memories? I intend to try and recapture the moments, try and live life like my kids self again
x Kayleigh x