Reflection

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Yesterday (20th March) I was filling out a diary entry and I noticed that the post was mostly stuff like oh this has annoyed me, this persons annoyed me, but I had a good time with this person which is pretty standard I suppose. I then decided to look back on my older diary’s to find out what I had felt on this day back then (as I started properly writing diary’s back in 2012) and some things actually surprised me.

The first one that I found matching this date was from 2013 where I wrote…

 I’m no body important and my life means very little. But what I can say is I’m someone who cares. 

I then went on to say…

 I have a lot of love to give. I get lost in stories and dream of their lives. The sort of love I want is the romantic kind. The one that takes your breath away. Whether I’ll find it only time will tell. 

I wrote this when I was single and hung up on a bloke that wasn’t really interested. The more I pushed the more he pulled away.

I then found another entry that was from 2014 which was me basically being all soppy about missing my boyfriend, so between 2013 – 14 I had got with someone. Then I found another from 2015, this was the most interesting one to me because this is what I had wrote…

I’m always feeling like a failure and child in comparison to my friends, I hate being in education. I hate not achieving those “grown up things”  

I want a different life in general, I want a career, I want adventures friends (not too adventures but people who are free to go on holiday to different exotic places) I don’t want a wife and a mother for friends, there not available when I’d like them to be and I don’t want a childish bore of a boyfriend! Where’s the fun, excitement and  adventure? 

At this time I was still at uni with a part time job, my “friends” at the time all had there own places, jobs, husbands, children and well in comparison as stated above I felt like a child. I was finding it very frustrating and finding my “friends” to be boring and annoying because I wanted adventure and I wanted people in my life to want it too. In the end I never went on holiday with those people because there was always a reason why they couldn’t go. What’s the most interesting to me about this diary entry is 3-4 years ago I wrote this and now non of those people matter anymore.

Now I have friends that make me smile, friends who will go places with me

Now I am single again and looking for a love that wont disappoint (as harsh as that might sound)

Now I am going on adventures. I am to go off traveling in the next few months, granted on my own but that just means I’ll meet more people who are on my wavelength.

I found this exercise very interesting and useful to me, simply because it showed me I am finally going in the direction I have wanted to be in for so long. I am finally on the path I wanted. Unfortunately it meant I had to walk away from people in order to do that but you only get one life and you shouldn’t waste it on people who hinder yours rather than help your life to flourish.

So here’s to having adventures, meet new people and enjoying life 🙂

x Kayleigh x

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