Losing it in Lockdown

As I write this post I have just entered into week 8 of lockdown, aaaahhh.

My original plan was to be a fucking productive goddess, be up to date and consistent with video uploads, complete my college homework so its ready when college is back up and running, manage to at least get half way through my first draft of a novel.

Has that happened?

No, it bloody hasn’t. Sigh, I am my own worst enemy. I have found myself day in and day out doing nothing, and I genuinely mean doing nothing. I have spent hours staring into space allowing my mind to fester and turn to the dark side, which is a side I have been trying to combat for years and at the beginning of the year I finally saw the light, it was glorious. Then lockdown happened and I have reverted back, feck!

Starting over again on the journey to a better, more productive and positive me.

I know I am kicking myself, and what did I say in my last blog post? basically I said don’t kick yourself, so to be fair with myself I have been reading a bit which I am happy about. Looking at my TBR pile I feel I haven’t read a single thing, but looking at my goodreads reading challenge I have actually read 9 books (well 8 and 1 graphic novel) and we are only in May so that’s what little under two books a month so far. Only 16 more to go in order to complete my goal of 25 books this year. I have started writing my third story, which I am going to try and keep going with. Basically after reading what J. K. Rowling said about writing, she said “write what you know. Your life, your feelings.” I have been inspired, and also taking a little influence from one of my favorite YouTubers debut novel, If Only by Melanie Murphy (which I would 100% recommend, lovely story). I have decided to create a new story that I hope will stand out, because as much as I love my other two stories and they WILL get written and hopefully published on day, I need something more gripping, more interesting, more unique if I want to make it as a writer. Sorry that is all your getting in regards to my latest creative inspiration.

Today is probably becoming my most productive day in a while. I did record some videos last week and even have a silly video idea currently in the process of being tweaked and recorded, but this has been the first time that I have actually sat to write, edit and basically create. I have to say one of the reasons I have been MIA on the internet is, with everyone being home and the house I live in being an old house the internet has been very slow to near non existent, hence no work and staring into space most days, I know it is an excuse, and obviously my internet is currently working fine (I’ve probably jinxed myself now) but as a lot of my work requires internet it’s pretty much been working against me, and to top it off my computer has been playing up of late too.

But that is only a little issue if I’m being real. My main struggle, just like everyone else, has been not being able to see people, have a social life, and feeling lonely. I have broken the rule before now, I have gone to see my friend who lives around the corner from me and we have chatted to one another while sat in his garden at a distance, and that has been a nice little pick me up, but I want to go out on adventures, I want to go sit in the pub and talk about nothing, I want to meet people. All the things I had planned at the beginning of the year. But I would rather be safe, than risk others, though if going to the supermarket has anything to do with it, oh boy.

Sorry it’s a bit of a ranty post but I guess it was something I needed to get off my chest. I will level with you guys I haven’t been coping very well since lockdown, but I have learnt things about myself like the fact I actually NEED company and outings to look forward to, and here I was thinking I could cope without seeing people, which I can but I do better when it’s my choice.

x Kayleigh x

How are your doing? I hope your faring better than I have been. Please let me know down below, I would love to chat with you and know your thoughts, also what are you doing while in lockdown? are you working? teaching? being productive? or are you watching Netflix?

Sending love, I hope you and your families are safe


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